For as long as I can recall, I've always been on the larger side. Even in my childhood, my sister and I would share the same meals, yet I was always the bigger one, despite her being older. I've endured a lifetime of bullying because of this, and after many, many years of verbal abuse from strangers, I've compiled a list of the most irksome experiences that I've come to know. Being the designated 'fat friend' comes with its own unique set of challenges. Here are the ten most annoying facts that anyone in this position might just relate to:
1. The Unsolicited Advice
Ah, the miraculous transformation of strangers into nutritionists and fitness gurus the moment they spot someone a bit larger. It’s like some divine intervention, isn't it? These strangers, who don't know the first thing about you, suddenly feel it's their sacred duty to dispense pearls of wisdom like, "Have you ever thought about losing weight?" or "You should go on a diet; being that size is super unhealthy." Oh, really, Karen? I'm just enjoying my bag of crisps here, so maybe take your unsolicited advice and jog on.
"Have you tried this new diet? My cousin’s neighbour’s dog walker lost 50 pounds on it!" Oh, brilliant, let me just drop everything and follow the wisdom of a complete stranger’s canine acquaintance. Or the classic, "You know, you'd be so much prettier if you lost a bit of weight." Ah, yes, because my value is solely determined by my waistline. Cheers for that, mate. And then there are the delightful comments on social media. A person could simply be existing, minding their own business, and out of nowhere, some random internet stranger decides it's time to play the health police. When called out on their vile behaviour, they backpedal with, "It's not healthy," or "I'm concerned about how big this person is," or the classic, "Stop promoting obesity." Excuse me, but since when did merely existing equate to promoting obesity? These trolls and bullies aren't concerned about anyone's health; they're just plain fatphobic.
2. The Chair Dilemma
The infamous chair dilemma. If you’ve ever faced this, you know exactly what I’m talking about. It’s the stuff of nightmares, especially when you’re out in public or at a group gathering. The moment you lay eyes on that chair, it’s like staring down an old nemesis. Doesn’t matter if it’s brand new or an antique heirloom, the chair is your sworn enemy. While others might plop down without a second thought, for us larger folks, it’s a whole production. Will this chair hold my weight? Will the arms dig into my sides like they’re trying to perform some medieval torture? Or worse, will I get stuck and have to create a scene worthy of a sitcom? It’s not just about sitting; it’s about survival, dignity, and avoiding public humiliation. So there you are, trying to enjoy a simple outing, but instead, you’re locked in a mental battle with a piece of furniture. The anxiety is real, my friends. It’s a conundrum that can turn a relaxing sit into a full-blown panic attack. And the worst part? Nobody else even notices the war you’re waging. Cheers to the chair dilemma, the unsung villain in our everyday lives.
3. The Invisible Friend
Oh, the irony of it all. While the title might sound contradictory, it’s painfully accurate. You’d think being larger would make you stand out like a beacon, but often, it’s like you’re wearing an invisibility cloak. People tend to gravitate towards your slimmer friends and family, leaving you in the shadows. For those of us with social anxiety, this might seem like a dream come true. But on those rare days when our social anxiety decides to take a holiday and we feel sociable, it’s a real kick in the teeth to be ignored simply because of our size. Picture this: You’re out with friends, feeling unusually chatty, and ready to contribute to the conversation. But instead, you’re met with blank stares and people looking right past you. It’s as if your opinions, suggestions, and mere existence are rendered null and void by the extra pounds you carry. It’s not just a snub; it’s a full-on social dismissal. And let’s not forget those moments when you muster up the courage to share an idea or a viewpoint. The room falls silent, not out of awe, but because they’re too busy dismissing you based on your appearance. It’s a harsh reminder that in the eyes of many, your worth is somehow diminished by your size. So here’s to the double-edged sword of being both invisible and hyper-visible, all thanks to the societal bias against larger bodies. Cheers to the absurdity of it all!
4. The Backhanded Compliments
Backhanded compliments—aren't they just the cherry on top of the cake? For those who've never had the distinct pleasure of being plus-sized, it might seem like we're overreacting. But trust me, it’s a twisted reality we deal with all too often. People think that any compliment, even a backhanded one, should be met with gratitude. Take the classic, "Oh, you have such a pretty face!" At first, you hear the words 'you' and 'pretty,' and your natural reaction is to beam and say, "Thank you!" But then, like a slow-motion car crash, the realisation hits. Wait a minute, what about the rest of me? It’s like saying, "You’re pretty... for a fat person." Gee, thanks. And it doesn't stop there. I've been told I look good in an outfit, but it would be so much better if my cellulite wasn’t showing. Oh, marvellous! Let me just magically erase my cellulite to fit your aesthetic standards. Or how about the time a guy said he’d date me if I wasn't fat because, surprise, surprise, I had a pretty face, but the rest of me didn’t measure up. I mean, really, how generous of him! So, here’s to the backhanded compliments that remind us that society still has a long way to go in embracing all body types. Because nothing says "I appreciate you" quite like a thinly veiled insult wrapped in faux kindness. Let's all drink to the audacity!
5. The Assumptions
Day after day, after day, people always love to assume that just because I'm fat, I must be unhappy. Well, jokes on you because I have depression. But, regardless, it has nothing to do with my weight. I'm happy the way that I am, because guess what? Newsflash everyone, being happy and being fat aren't mutually exclusive. It's just like being fat and eating a salad, everyone just assumes you're on a diet. Erm, no, Sandra, I just wanted a bloody salad. IS that okay, food police?! You can't win with these bogus assumptions either. If you're fat and eating a burger, people will say you should eat a salad. You eat a salad and what do you know? You're getting told to stick with what you 'always eat... burgers'. It’s like living in a never-ending episode of a reality show where everyone else is the judge, jury, and executioner of your dietary choices. Oh, the audacity! And let’s not forget the gym enthusiasts who assume that if you're fat, you must be a stranger to exercise. "You should join a gym, it’ll change your life!" Well, thank you, Captain Obvious, but I do go to the gym. Shocker, right? Just because I’m not flaunting a six-pack doesn’t mean I don’t enjoy a good workout.
6. Being a Joker or Sarcastic
The art of deflection! Being larger, you often find yourself trying to get people to notice anything but your size. Spoiler alert: it rarely works, but that doesn’t stop you from trying. You’ll pull out all the stops—witty one-liners, sarcastic remarks, and comedic antics—just to divert attention. At 26, I still find myself playing the joker or being sarcastic. It’s a classic defence mechanism. I'd much rather have someone roll their eyes at my bad joke than comment on my size. It’s all about steering the conversation away from the elephant in the room (pun intended). So yes, it's a way to deflect, but it's also a way to survive and thrive in a world that can be all too quick to judge.
7. Chub Rub
Ah, my dear old nemesis, Chub Rub—just the mere mention of it sends shivers down my spine, and not the good kind! If you’ve had the blessed fortune of never experiencing this, well, FU. Imagine a fusion of death and a descent down the fiery stairs of hell to shake hands with Satan himself. Growing up, I can't count the times I'd be out with friends, and their friends who made it abundantly clear they didn't like me because I was fat (no assumptions here, they literally said it). I had to soldier on through the searing pain, resulting in skin chapped beyond belief. It was pure, unadulterated horror. So, what is this delightful phenomenon? Chub rub is when the tops of your thighs decide to wage war against each other, creating friction that tears the skin. Think chafing, but on steroids. It can lead to blisters, rashes, and a burning sensation that makes you question all your life choices. It’s like your thighs are auditioning for a horror film, and trust me, they get the part every time. In short, if you see a friend hobbling along, looking like they’ve just fought a battle and lost, give them a break. Chub rub is real, it’s painful, and it’s the unspoken enemy of anyone with thighs that dare to touch. So, let them have a breather, because chub rub hurts... a lot!
8. Fearing the Gym
I used to think my fear of the gym was irrational, but over the years, I've come to realise it's actually a very valid fear. You see, there have been countless posts of people taking videos of larger folks exercising, not to celebrate their efforts, but to troll them. It's a vile world we live in where people who are minding their own business, trying to work out, are mocked. Isn't it ironic? These individuals are doing the exact opposite of what the trolls assume—far from being 'lazy' (not that it's any of their business if they were), they are actively out and exercising. Yet, some think it's acceptable to take videos of them without consent, in a place where they too are supposed to be working out. This twisted logic baffles me. It’s as if the gym has become a stage where the self-appointed critics feel entitled to judge others. And let's not even get started on the unsolicited advice from fitness enthusiasts who believe they're doing you a favour by pointing out the obvious. "Oh, you're lifting weights? Good for you!" Yes, no shit Sherlock, I had no idea that's what I was doing, thank you SO much for informing me, I thought I was at McDonald's for a second there.
9. Offering to take Group Photos
By now, we've gathered that we're big. We know full well that we'd rather be behind the camera than in front of it. Even if everyone’s clamouring for a selfie version, we'd still offer to take it because we know which angles are best for us. And if by some ungodly reason our friends ask a stranger to take the picture, or worse, someone else in the group, we stand at the back of them. Why, you ask? Well, again, we don't want to frighten anyone who views the picture by showing just how big we are. But here’s the thing – our friends, bless their hearts, always manage to choose the one where somehow your leg has photobombed the shot, or your double chin is making a guest appearance. It's like a cosmic joke, isn't it? Yet, through all this, it’s their unwavering love and acceptance that shines through. They see our beauty even when we don’t, and they want us in the memories because, to them, we’re irreplaceable. So, while we might grumble and groan about the photos, deep down we know it’s all worth it. Our friends, in their infinite wisdom and kindness, remind us that we are more than just our size. We are part of their story, their cherished moments, and that’s something no awkward angle or unflattering shot can ever take away.
10. Our Love
Alright, yes, yes, I know, I’m venturing down a deep and somewhat cheesy path for this last one. But if you’re lucky enough to be thin and have read this far, you’ve probably gathered that us 'fat friends' seem to hate a lot of things. And while that might be true on the surface, it’s important to remember that many of us carry an immense amount of trauma. This isn't just about our own inner demons; it stems from deep-rooted causes. Many of us have faced bullying and ridicule, myself included (I’m writing a blog post on that soon). These experiences have left us embarrassed and scarred, but they’ve also deepened our capacity to love. As paradoxical as it may seem, the more we've been hurt, the more fiercely we hold on to those we cherish. We want to ensure that they never feel the pain we’ve endured. Once a fat person loves you, they love you for life. We’ll protect you, be there to lean on (both metaphorically and physically), offer a shoulder to cry on, and so much more. We’ll never judge you because we’ve been judged too harshly ourselves. We know better than that. And for you beautiful fat people who have read this post and finally felt heard, I want to tell you from the bottom of my fat heart: I see you, I hear you, and I am you. We are beautiful, no matter what others say. We are worth it, and we deserve to be happy. To hell with anyone who tries to tell us otherwise. We deserve all the love and joy in this world, just like everyone else.
All my love,
Shannen. x
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